


Heterosexuality Is A Social Construct

by i_can_get_extra_with_my_fics



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Evan Hansen, Bisexual Zoe Murphy, Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy Get Along, F/F, Fluff, Fucking hell that do be a lot of tags, Gay Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen), Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jared Kleinman Has Two Moms, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Lesbian Alana Beck, Lets get this tagging shit show started, M/M, Marijuana, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicide Attempt, pansexual jared kleinman, we'll see where this goes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:34:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26057314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_can_get_extra_with_my_fics/pseuds/i_can_get_extra_with_my_fics
Summary: Connor lays there on the couch listening to Zoe and her friends screech upstairs. He would be trying to listen to Welcome To Night Vale but they're too loud and he can't really focus. That night Zoe tells him he's legally required to sit with them at lunch the next day. He does so in the small hopes that he might actually have friends. Turns out he might be getting a little more and he might come out of this whole thing a whole hell of a lot gayer.(I'm (still) pissed off that there isn't enough Sincerely Three content on this site so I'm now writing this)
Relationships: Alana Beck & Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman & Connor Murphy & Zoe Murphy, Alana Beck & Evan Hansen & Jared Kleinman & Zoe Murphy, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman, Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman/Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman & Zoe Murphy, Jared Kleinman/Connor Murphy
Comments: 26
Kudos: 67





	1. In Which Mac And Cheese Is Consumed

“Zoe. Look. You are one of my bestest and closest friends-”

“Bestest is not grammatically correct Jared..”

“Alana no one but you talks like they’re writing an essay. Anyway, Zoe, you are one of my bestest and closest friends,” Jared made sure to put emphasis on “bestest” while making eye contact with Alana to piss her off, “and I value your opinion and find it admirable how much you care about your brother-”

Zoe rolled her eyes and continued to spin on her desk chair. “But?”

“Can no one in this group but Evan let me finish? Goddamn!” Jared dramatically flung himself onto Zoe’s bed next to Alana. “As I was saying, I value your opinion as a valued member of the gayng but-”

“Jared just stop trying to make a friend group name for us. They keep getting worse and punnier.”

Jared sat up and glared at a rather unamused Evan sitting on the bean bag chair next to where Zoe had her ukulele, or as their group had grown to fondly call it “ukugayle”, in honor of the rainbow string bracelet Zoe had tied to the top of it. 

“Evan you betrayed me. How dare you tell me that you don’t like my pun names and interrupt me in the same sentence!. I thought you found me funny.”

Evan sighed and Zoe laughed at his frustration. “You’re funny when you're not making the worst puns I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth, and keep in mind I’ve known you since birth, to give our friend group a name. Trust me. None of us appreciate your very stupid puns.”

“He lies. You guys enjoy my puns right?” Jared looked at Zoe and Alana hopefully.

Alana shrugged and simply said “I’ve never found your puns humorous. I laugh to boost your self-esteem. It’s called amusing you to make you happy.”

Zoe laughed. “You thought Alana of all people would find you funny?” 

“Zo, he’s trying to regain his self-esteem again because I said he wasn’t funny all the time.” Evan leaned forward and looked at Jared smirking.

Jared avoided Evan’s gaze and looked at Zoe. “You thought that one was kinda funny right?”

“That one? No. That wasn’t funny. Probably your worst material. Other things you’ve said? Pretty funny. Gayng was not funny though.”

Jared looked at his three friends in mock offense and hurt. Zoe rolled her eyes. “You’re just looking for validation because you’re gay for Evan and he said you weren’t funny all the time.”

Jared flushed bright red. Evan stared into the light next to the door, a light pink dusting his face. Alana, feeling the incoming chaos, laughed into her hand to mask her disappointment. 

Zoe nearly fell off her chair laughing. “Dude we’ve told you before. It's ok if you’re gay for Evan. None of us are straight.”

Jared went even redder, if that was even possible, and leaped off the bed to defend himself. “Well, you’re quite obviously gay for Alana! Pretty sure she’s gay for you too! Why don’t you two start making out then?”

Evan’s attention left the light that was probably going to make him blind at some point and was brought back to the conversation, more yelling at this point. “Oop. Tea.”

Zoe and Jared didn’t even notice as they were both yelling at each other while still being bright tomato red. Alana had tuned them out and looked at Evan in disbelief. 

“Why and how is this what we’ve come to?”

Jared stopped focusing on Zoe and turned his attention to Alana. “You know that is a great question, Alana. What. I was trying to say earlier is that we are not inviting the edge lord into our group. He’ll ruin out perfect gay streak.”

Zoe got out of her chair to grab the ukugayle. “Who said my brother was straight?”

Jared stared at her only partially buying what she was saying. “You’re telling me that the Jason Dean rejects that is your brother is one of us?”

“Dude he’s as straight as a circle.”

“The Connor “School Shooter Edgelord Thot-Topic” Murphy is gay?”

“Yep.”

Evan raised his hand “Ok so. Like. I’m all for knowing Zoe isn’t going to try and bring a straight dude into our group and that it stays queer but outing people is bad…”

Zoe opened her mouth to say something but then closed it. “You know he can probably hear our very loud gay screechings and was probably gonna introduce himself with some stupid thing like ‘Hello fellow gays’ or something like that.”

“But that doesn’t make it ok though.”

“Forgive me, father, for I have sinned.”

“Ok but change the wording to ‘I’m sorry daddy I’ve been naughty’ and it’s kinky,” Jared looked around at his disgusted friend’s faces.

Alana sighed. “Kleinman, why must you make everything disgusting?”

“Because I am the Kinkyinator.”

Everyone started laughing at Jared’s beyond terrible Doofenshmirtz impression.

“Ok I will admit, that was probably my worst Doofenshmirtz in a while.”

Zoe then proceeded to pluck the opening of the Perry The Platypus Theme Song. Without missing a beat Evan laid back further on the bean bag and screeched “HE’S A SEMI AQUATIC EGG LAYING MAMMAL OF ACTION!” at the ceiling.

~~~

Connor was laying on the couch in the living room listening to a podcast he’d found through some people on discord a while ago called Welcome To Night Vale while scrolling through Tumblr.

Yes, he still used Tumblr. Are you really surprised though? He literally dressed like he just walked out of a Hot-topic. He got into his Tumblr emo phase and never left. He just vibes in the cursed depths of Guad’s and Pukicho’s blogs. That and just typical fandom shit.

At this point, he was more focused on the episode of wtnv he was on and just scrolling and liking every post he saw. Reblogging the ones he actually read, or the fanart, or meme he saw. He was relistening to the podcast because the boy was starved of canon gayness. 

Currently, he was listening to one of the gayest early on episodes. 27 - First Date. He may or may not be doing this because he’s still lonely and single and listening to fictional characters gush about other fictional characters with the whole thing being gay gives him both hope and serotonin.

He would’ve normally chosen the floor in his room but the couch was more comfortable and his parents weren’t home so he could lay there without being criticized for being in his room all day or whatever it was going to be that time. 

Connor heard muffled screaming from above him. “Zoe’s friends.” He thought out loud.

They were screaming earlier but it wasn't nearly this loud. He just had to turn up the volume. Now though? Sounded like they tried to summon a demon and it worked. Actually thinking about it, Connor thought it would be pretty fucking funny if Zoe’s friends had summoned a demon and now it just fucking vibed in their house. Maybe I could befriend the demon.

He couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying but it was loud enough to cut through his vibe. He sighed and paused the episode he was on, took his earbuds out of his ears, rested his phone on his chest, and sighed. Connor knew his sister's friends were chaotic but this a whole new level. 

They were screeching the Perry The Platypus Theme Song.

He laid there listening to what they probably thought was singing. He heard Kleinman the most, wasn’t that terribly surprising. He was the loudest. Connor heard his sister almost as clearly as he could hear Kleinman, also, wasn't surprising. She was always hella loud when she was with her friends. 

While they were pretty hard to hear, Connor managed to pick out Alana and Hansen. He had known Hansen could be kinda loud; he just had to be comfortable with whoever he was with. Never pegged him for the “screech childhood nostalgia with people” type though. He thought.

He thought he was being delusional when he started to pick out Alana’s voice. He was convinced that there was no way in hell his semi-strict math and language tutor could both put up with Kleinman’s shit long enough to be his friend and screech the Perry The Platypus Theme Song with, as Connor had started occasionally referring to them as internally, The Insanely Cool Jared “Kinky” Kleinman, Evan “Treeboi, Baby Sweat Hands” Hansen, and Zoe “Chaotic Bisexual” Murphy.

“Maybe they stole my weed?” Connor sat up. “Wouldn’t put it past Kleinman.” He started walking towards the stairs to go see if he could smell weed in the hallway. “Granted, doubt Hansen would ever go near a joint and Alana would’ve tried to talk them out of it.” He returned to his previous position. “Wouldn’t put it past Zoe to get high if someone else brought the weed though.”

By that point, the demonic vocalization had ceased. Connor grabbed his phone, stuck his earbuds into his ear, and got reabsorbed into the cryptic town that is Night Vale and the stupidity and chaos that is his dashboard.

~~~

That night, after the non-Murphy children that were present hat left, Connor and Zoe sat on opposite counters consuming mac and cheese. Their conversation about fawning over broadway actors had ended and the two sat in comfortable silence. Only mac and cheese noises could be heard.

“You wanna know something Zo?”

“What?”

“You and your friends are fucking loud like shit.”

“What part did you hear?”

“The Perry The Platypus Theme Song.”

“Connor, Connie, Connot, Dumbass, Big brother.”

“Don't call me big brother.”

“Fine whatever,” Zoe set down her now empty mac and cheese cup, “that’s not the important part anyway. My point was that’s called having fun.”

“I dunno man. My idea of ‘fun’ isn't exactly tone-deaf screeching of childhood nostalgia with these ‘friend’ things you keep talking about.” Connor put air quotes around fun and friends.

“You can’t talk. You don't have friends.” Zoe threw her fork into the sink.

“Ow. I thought you were my loving little sister.” Connor just placed his fork in the sink because he was sitting next to the sink, unlike Zoe.

“I am. That’s why you’re gonna come sit with me and my friends at lunch.”

“Ok. As much as you want that to happen, doubt they would allow it. I believe you forgot the fact that your best friend, kink boi, literally calls me ‘school shooter’. Pretty sure Hansen’s scared of me. Your girlfriend would be fine. Not the other two.” Connor got off the counter to throw his mac and cheese cup away.

“Suck a dick, Connor.” 

“Who’s dick you want me to suck? You know two guys and I have the social skills of a peanut.” 

Zoe thought as she threw her mac and cheese cup away as well. “Jared’s. Enemies to friends to lovers 600k.” 

“Fuck you.” 

“Do it yaself coward.” Before Connor could yell at Zoe for that comment, she continued with her point.” On a serious note. I guess Jared doesn't like you. Can’t really spin a fake narrative where he does. But that’s probably because Evan is scared of you and Jared is protective of Evan. Evan is scared of you because he’s scared of anything that is taller than 5’6 that isn't a tree. I shit you not the child is scared of the pole dance pole in the hallway with the haunted bathrooms.”

“You know that's a valid argument.”

“So you gonna sit with us?”

“Do I have to wear pink on Wednesdays?”

“No, you just gotta screech the “it's Wednesday my dudes” vine.”

“I’m down I guess.”

“Not like you had a choice.”

“Go suck a dick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the moment I have two chapters done and one in the works so I'll update as I see fit.


	2. In Which Connor Really Does Have The Social Skills Of A Peanut

Connor woke up to loud banging on his door. “Yo dipshit. If you wanna not heely to school, meet me in the car in 15 minutes. If you’re not ready I’m leaving without you.”

Connor groaned, glancing at the alarm clock that he forgot to turn on last night. 7:30. Then he remembered his conversation with Zoe the night prior. If Zoe had decided that he was going to sit with her friends at lunch then he really had no choice. The one time Connor refused to do something Zoe had already decided was going to happen ended with Connor trying his best to hide his face and wanting to jump into the nearest trash can.

Begrudgingly, Connor got out of bed when he remembered Zoe stopped by Dunkin Donuts every morning. He almost walked into a wall in the like 15 steps between his bed and the bathroom. After that he was awake enough to run a brush through his hair, not bothering to brush his teeth. He had gum to take care of that, and besides, personal hygiene is too damn hard when you’re depressed. All of that took about 3 minutes. As he was leaving the bathroom, Connor grabbed one of the random hair ties on the counter and slipped it around his wrist. 

He was awake enough to make it down the hall and back to his bedroom without walking into a wall. He grabbed the first random shirt and pair of pants he found in his closet. It just so happened to be a tie-dye shirt from the prior summer and a gray pair of sweats. The shirt was the most colorful thing in Connor’s close, well if you're not counting the pride flag he was hiding in the back.

Connor grabbed his hoodie and tied it around his waist as he walked down the stairs, barely managing to finish messily putting his hair in a bun before grabbing his bag and slipping on his heelys and rolling to the passenger side door. 

Zoe eyed her brother as she started driving to their local Dunkin. “For someone who woke up like 10 minutes ago and is not a morning person you look pretty damn good.”

“Shut the fuck up and get the bean juice.”

“Well, I didn’t think we were going to carpool today. Besides, Jared rides the bus in the morning. Don’t think Evan would be up for that though.”

“Why must you be like this?”

“I wasn't fucking kidding when I said I wanted my enemies to friends to lovers 600k fanfic.”

“It's not happening Zoe.”

“How much you wanna bet it will?”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck me yourself you coward.”

“I’m gay and incest is bad for your health Zoe.”

The drive took only about 5 minutes. On top of the necessary caffeine, they got donuts too because it was Friday and they could splurge if they felt like it.

Zoe got an iced coffee and so did Connor. Why? He’s gay and contrary to popular belief he hates black coffee. They got glazed donuts because ‘Woah let’s not do something too crazy. We still have like no money.”

As they were leaving the drive-through, Zoe’s phone started to blow up. Because she was driving, Connor grabbed her phone and started reading off the notifications to her.

“They’re from Discord. Didn’t know you used Discord Zo.”

“It’s my loophole to not have to pay as large of a cell phone bill.”

“Fair, anyway they’re from Gayng? Now they’re from The Squad, now they’re from Jared Stop Changing The Server Name? And it's the same people, ‘Innocent Acorn Boi’, ‘I’m Surrounded By Idiots’, and ‘Soiling Evan’s innocence since 2011’.” Connor stared at the notifications very confused. “Zoe, what the fuck is happening?”

“I’m going to guess Jared’s changing the server name again, Alana isn’t having it, and Evan’s trying to prevent murder.”

Connor stared at Zoe in confusion. “And these are the people you want me to sit with? I’m giving up my cushy spot at the back of the school for,” he gestured to Zoe’s phone, “this shit?”

“Yep. It’s called getting friends and enjoying the chaos. And in your case maybe getting a boyfriend or two.” Zoe mumbled the last bit.

“What? Didn't catch that last part.”

“Twas the point dumbass.”

After a few moments of drinking coffee and consuming donuts, Connor spoke again. “Wait, you said server. Why do you have a server instead of a group chat?”

“We have both. The server is just because we like to organize our conversations and we can mute certain things. We have like 10 text channels. And then a voice.”

Connor nodded. “So do I have to vibe with you guys before school starts or only at lunch?”

“At lunch and depending on how it goes after school today.”

“So I just gotta be an ass so I don't have to socialize anymore?”

“No, if it goes bad we’re gonna give it a day and then force everyone to hang out at our house and…” Zoe trailed off thinking. She glazed at Connor. “Don't look at me like that. I’ll figure it out when we get there.”

They pulled up to their school. Zoe parked the car and Connor got out of the car and flipped her off as he walked away. Instead of waving they flipped each other off. When they were younger Connor had told Zoe that flipping someone off was like waving goodbye. Zoe the little 5th grader then proceeded to flip Cynthia off as she went to get on the bus. 

“See you at lunch asshat. Don’t keep us waiting.”

Zoe locked the car and began walking to where she met up with her friends every morning. Reading through the discord messages as she went. It was exactly as she thought except for one detail. Evan had made it gayng first to make Jared happy. Then Alana yelled at Jared thinking it was his doing and changed the server named back to the squad. Jared changed it to gayng again. Then Alana, convinced it was Jared this time changed it to Jared Stop Changing The Server Name. Zoe smiled at her friends’ antics. She was looking at whatever memes and Tumblr post screenshots from Reddit Jared had sent at whatever unholy hour he was up at when she made it to the picnic table that they sat at in the mornings and ate lunch at.

Jared stopped doing whatever unholy combination of tik tok and Fortnite dances he was doing to piss off Alana and Evan when he saw Zoe approaching. “Yo what’s up bitches?”

“My hatred for the gayng thing,” Alana was still salty about the gayng squabble early that morning.

“I get it, I'm not funny. Damn, Lana. Why do you gotta be this way?” Jared sat on the table instead of the bench after Zoe sat next to Evan.

“Yeah, whatever Jared. Stop being touchy. Anyway, just a reminder Connor’s sitting with us at lunch.”

Jared sighed “You weren't kidding about that were you?”

“I mean, Connor is quite nice after he opens up. It’s like how Evan is actually really loud after he opens up.”

“Dare I say the teaming up is very heavily hinting at Zolana shipping very soon.” Evan tried to look as innocent as possible while bringing up the ship.

Jared slid down and sat next to Alana when a teacher yelled at him for sitting on the table. “Still impressed with your ship naming skills Ev.”

Evan stood up and dramatically bowed. “Thank you I try.”

Jared applauded Evan before focusing on the girls. “Anyway. Back to the topic at hand. Is your brother actually nice, Zo?” 

“He’s like you but less sex jokes and terrible puns.”

“Sex jokes and terrible puns are all I am Zoe.”

“No, I meant like in terms of swearing and all that shit. And he can kinda be an ass at times but like, you get him to trust you and he’s pretty chill.”

The bell rang and all four of them groaned. 

“If you say he’s nice-ish I guess we could try befriending him,” Evan shrugged as he picked his bag up.

“If Evan says he’s going to attempt to befriend the school shooter I shall try as well.”

“Jared be nice to your future boyfriend.” Zoe stared at all her shit trying to refigure out what the most comfortable way to do this was.

“I thought you shipped me with Evan because I “like him” or something. Now you’re shipping me with your edge lord brother? Why and when did this change?”

“Who’s to say I wasn’t already shipping the three of you together?”

“Zoe Patrisha Murphy, do not fucking tell me you’ve been shipping me, Jared the Meme Lord, your brother, Connor the Edge Lord, and Evan the Tree Lord together for god knows how long and only telling me this a mere few hours before you’re forcing the Edge Lord to sit with us at lunch.”

“That is literally what I just told you.”

Alana turned around in disbelief that her friends were still arguing at the picnic table. “Guys hurry up or you’re gonna be late!”

Zoe looked at her watch “Oh shit. Gotta blast band is important.” She turned and ran towards the band room leaving Jared alone at the picnic table..

“You fuckin bitch-”

For Jared, classes dragged on as they always do. When the lunch bell rang he nearly sprinted down the hall to meet Evan at the water fountains, then they went to their lockers which are right next to each other, before meeting up with Zoe and Alana at their picnic table like he always does. 

He had forgotten about most of the conversation from that morning. The only part promptly ringing in his mind was the whole shipping him with Evan and Connor. He figured he’d mention it while he was walking with Evan.

“Hey handsoap how’s it going?” Jared almost crashed into some juniors that were talking about Madeline and Jake.

“Pretty ok. Didn’t get called on the whole hour and didn’t have to talk to anyone.”

They started to walk back up the hall to their lockers. “Noice. Anyway, I was talking to Zoe this morning-”

“Talking or arguing?”

“Shut the fuck up Handyman.”

“That’s a new one.”

“Thank you I’m trying to be creative. Anyway. We were loudly having a conversation.”

Evan rolled his eyes.

“Don’t make me call you handjob. I will do it.”

“I am sorry father for I have sinned. I refuse to say the kinky version.”

“Whatever. No more distractions out of you acorn. I was trying to say that Zoe apparently has been shipping you me and her brother together.” 

Evan almost dropped the textbook he was shoving into his locker. “Like. Me x You x Connor?”

Jared shut and leaned against his locker. “Yep. She’s out of her mind I tell you. The day that you, Evan Hansen, me, Jared Kleinman, and her brother, Connor Murphy, form a poly relationship is the day that Zoe and Alana will get their shit together and finally start dating.”

Evan snorted. “Yeah like that would ever happen. Imagine, us dating Connor Murphy.” Evan shut his locker and turned to walk down the hallway, Jared on his left. “Doubt I’ll manage to say a thing at lunch today. If I do I’ll stutter on every darn word.”

“Yep. Pretty much.”

~~~

Connor really hadn’t paid any attention in class. He was too busy focusing on how he was being forced to sit with a person he didn't really know well and a person he hated at lunch. Granted it does beat sitting alone again. The bell rang and his only thoughts shifted to how he was gonna fuck this up. 

As his mind was running wild with all the possible things he could do to either get out of it or without being a complete ass his thoughts somehow traveled back to Zoe’s comments from the past two days. 

Has she always shipped me and Kleinman? 

But I thought she shipped Kleinman and Hansen. 

She was literally shipping them yesterday when they started screaming. 

I’m pretty sure she would’ve been going on a tangent if Hansen and Kleinman didn't work out. 

Is she just a multi shipper? 

Can you be a multi shipper with people that aren’t even a fandom? 

Oh shit, this is Zoe. 

Does she fucking have fanfic? 

Would she put the effort into that? 

Well, if she hoped it would happen she would probably have some just to freak us out… wait why am I humoring the idea of dating Hansen and Kleinman? 

Like hell that will ever happen..

Never say never though.

Ah fuck I’m doing it again.

And now it’s time to stop focusing on my thoughts. I almost knocked a very very short child over. Well actually… maybe if he stopped being hunched over then maybe he would be decently tall.

Oh shit, the kid’s boyfriend is glaring at me.

Aren’t those kids in band?

Anyway, that’s not important. I just almost killed someone.

Kay no more thoughts this will only be bad.

Once he had heelied out of the school he realized he had no idea where these kids ate lunch, so, like a reasonable human, he texted his sister.

Depressed Gay Child: yo bitch

Chaotic Bi Child: Sup fucker

Depressed Gay Child: ya never told me where you people eat lunch.

Chaotic Bi Child: oh the picnic table by the outside band room door

Depressed Gay Child: k

Connor shoved his phone in his pocket and heelied his gay ass to that picnic table. Low and behold Zoe and her friends were already screaming. More specifically, Alana was yelling at Hansen and Kleinman.

“JARED WILLAIM KLEINMAN WHEN THE HELL DID YOU TEACH EVAN SUCH VILE LANGUAGE?? AND EVAN! EVAN WE DO NOT SPEAK LIKE THAT IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!!!”

Connor noticed how Hansen was losing his shit. He was almost falling off the bench. “Then how come Jared can talk like that mom?”

“BECAUSE JARED IS A DISSAPOINTMENT AND I HAVE GIVEN UP HOPE ON HIM AND YOU DAMN WELL KNOW THIS EVAN!!”

Connor also noticed how the laughter stopped once he made his presence known. Hansen would’ve fallen off the bench from laughing if he hadn’t. Hansen still fell off the bench when he jumped being startled by Connor. He also noticed how Kleinman moved much closer to Hansen after he sat back down on the bench.

Still, Connor figured he should make some sorta stupid joke to introduce himself. "Relax. I come in peace. I too am a gay."

Give the man a break. He has the social skills of a peanut and is very bad at humor that isn't self-deprecating. 

Connor took note of how both Hansen and Kleinman relaxed a bit as he made his shitty gay joke.

"Ya gonna stand there or are you gonna sit down, School Shooter?" Kleinman winced.

“Sit, Edge Lord.” He winced again as he gestured to the open spot next to Zoe.

“Inferior Murphy?” Wince. This time it was phrased as a question.

“Con Man?” He winced again and grabbed his shin and turned to Hansen. “DUDE FUCKING STOP KICKING ME!”

“T-then be nice J-Jared!”

“Fine! Sit down, Connor. There! You happy?”

“Yes, v-very.”

Connor sat down next to Zoe both impressed and surprised. “Damn, didn't know you could be mean, Hansen.” The boy in question smiled shyly at the table.

Zoe laughed. “Are you kidding me? Evan is the prime Jared roaster.”

Kleinman nodded. “Unfortunately that is true.”

Hansen’s face went bright pink as he hid it in his hands. “G-g-guys stop.”

Alana reached across the table and placed a hand on Evan’s arm. “It's not that bad Evan”. 

Zoe nodded. “Besides. It’s pretty funny.”

“I can agree with Alana and dipshit. I’ve never seen it but know how easily offended Kleinman gets there is no way that’s not funny as hell.”

Hansen looked up from his hands. “I-I g-guess…”

Kleinman leaned across the table and pointed a finger at Connor. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

The last name thing. You refer to me and Ev exclusively by our last names but you refer to Lana by her first name. I’m just going to assume that dipshit is supposed to be a nickname for Zo. Like do you have a hierarchy of how you refer to people?”

“I guess yeah. I don’t know you or Hansen too well, because I’m gay and can’t math and grammar is a useless subject I have Alana tutor me, and I live with Her Royal Bitchyness. It's less of a hierarchy and more of a showing of how much I trust you.”

“That’s actually quite a well thought out system Connor.”

Connor gave Alana finger guns.

They idly talked about their classes as well as life and other stuff. Evan, Jared, Zoe, and Alana. Ate the whole time. Connor didn't because he didn't bring lunch. He never got school lunch either. He just isn't typically hungry at this time.

As Jared went to go throw his trash out he realized Connor hadn’t eaten anything during their whole conversation.

“Dude, did you eat anything at all or like?”

Connor panicked slightly. He didn't want to confess the fact that he rarely ate anything more than whatever leftovers he could find at like 2 am from dinner to these people he wasn't the closest to. Zoe would flip out and force him to eat something. 

Solution: lie

“Oh, I had a sandwich on the way here.”

He had some goldfish. He was probably going to have some rice or something later. That was enough food for one day, right?

Before anyone else could say anything the bell rang. Connor stood up and before he heelied away he said: “Ya know. This was kinda fun. We should do it again sometime.”

Connor realized that Alana was in on Zoe’s plan when she offered that he could hang out with them after school. Still, he nodded and said he would.

~~~

On the drive, back home after school Zoe and Connor were talking about how lunch went.

“See. It wasn't that bad.”

“I suppose you're not wrong.”

“So when do I get to skip straight to the lover's shit?”

“Actually about that.”

“Oh, shit do we just skip the friends part?”

“No. I was just thinking earlier. I thought you shipped Kleinman and Hansen together. I’m almost 100% sure you would go on a tangent if they didn’t get together. And you’ve just started shipping me with Kleinman out of nowhere. Like. What happened?”

Zoe mumbled something Connor Could hear.

“Zoe, I can't hear you. Speak up.”

Again something he couldn't quite make out.

“I still can't hear you, man.”

“I SAID WHAT HAPPENS IF I’VE SHIPPED THE THREE OF YOU TOGETHER?”

“As in me, Hansen, and Kleinman?”

“Yes.”

“I’d just tell you that you’re better off just shipping Hansen and Kleinman. That one I can guarantee is going to happen at some point. And that is exactly what I am telling you. There is no way in hell I’ll end up dating both Hansen and Kleinman.”

“Never say never.”

“Shut up.”

A comfortable silence filled the car for a few minutes.

“You weren’t joking when you said you were going to come hang out with us today right?”

“Nope. I kinda had fun at lunch for once. Figured might as well try this whole ‘friends’ thing.” He still put the air quotes around friends.

“Well, that’s at least a step in the right direction.”

"I didn't think I got consent in that department so like."

"Shhh. We don't talk about that part. I haven't started holding you hostage yet."

Connor laughed at his sister's comment until it hit him. "Wait yet?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit. this actually got feedback with the first chapter. So here. Habs the second one.


	3. In Which Ukugayle Is The Final Trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't tell I just wanna get all the chapters I have done up because I crave validation. Also just finished chapter 4. I'll have it up before I leave for school. I have no clue when 5 will be done. 4's hella long and took me like 2 weeks to finish.

Connor learned 5 things that night. 

The first being that Hansen’s house was the prime hang out spot seeing as his mom was never home.

Connor was helping Zoe heely down the street and into a neighborhood he didn't recognize. “Zoe where are we going?”

“To Evan’s house.”

“Are his parents like super chill with screaming or?” Zoe almost fell. “If you lose your balance toes. Toes are your friends in the world of heely.”

Zoe nodded as they took off again. “Right. Anyway. It's just him and his mom. She works at the hospital and isn't home a lot.”

“Makes sense. Why’d you bring your uke tho?”

“I brought ukugayle because we need a bonding experience as the last trial to see if you are worthy of joining the Discord server and officially being a part of our group.”

“Sounds like I cult I’m in.”

After turning into a different neighborhood Zoe said she was ready to try not being held onto.

“You sure?”

“Yep.”

“Be free my young sister.”

Zoe started heelying down the street supposedly leading to Hansen’s house. “Fuck you, Connor! I am now a heely lord!”

Before Connor could tell Zoe that Karma was going to strike, she crashed into a mailbox, as if it was on cue. Connor wasn't too far behind Zoe and helped up off the ground. For his sister’s sake, he was trying to restrain his laughter. Failing miserably.

“Ok, you can laugh now.”

Connor nearly fell over with how hard he was laughing. “I’m sure you meant to do that oh great and powerful heely lord.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“Let's try again and not be as cocky this time.”

The good thing was that they made it to Hansen’s house before Zoe could crash into anything else.

The second thing Connor learned that night was All Hail Ukugayle.

Apparently they were the last to show up. Hansen had opened the door. After being let in Zoe took her ukulele case off her back.

Kleinman looked over at Zoe "Did you bring ukugayle?"

"All hail."

Zoe presented her ukulele case. "Hell yas motherfucker!"

"ALL HAIL!"

Connor stood awkwardly behind the couch. Now he was confused. "I'm sorry what?"

Alana eyed Zoe. "Zoe, you did tell him about ukugayle right?"

"All hail."

"Oh no I forgot that part."

"I get the ukugayle pun but-"

He was interrupted by "All hail."

"I don't get the all hail thing tho."

"B-basically you've just joined a c-cult in which we worship ukugayle." Hansen explained before saying "all hail" with the others. 

"And now I have to say all hail every time someone says it?"

Everyone nodded.

"Ok then. So what do we do now?"

The third was broadway is the one way to bring a bunch of gay teens together in ways he didn't think was possible.

Zoe sat on the floor and played a few random chords. “Any requests tonight?”

“Sh-She Used To Be Mine?”

Zoe shot Hansen bisexual finger guns. “You got it, hand soap.”

Zoe played the opening chords and started singing. “It’s not simple to say that most days… I don’t recognize me.”

Hansen took the next line. “That these shoes, and this apron, that place, and its patrons, have taken more than I gave them.”

Connor was just vibing listening to Kleinman and Alana go and then it stopped. The other four were staring at him expectantly.

Alana placed a hand on his arm. “Connor, it’s your line.”

He wasn’t expecting to be this included. He literally only started hanging out with this group of people earlier that day. Connor decided that it was going to be fine if he presented his trash singing voice to them. It made him feel more a part of the group. “She is messy, but she’s kind.”

It went back to Zoe. They kept trading off every line until the last line. Connor had gotten the hint that the last line they sang together.

The fourth was they were all pretty good singers.

“Ok….” Connor was starting to fear that this was where Kleinman started being a dick. “Hot take, but I think that was the best She Used To Be Mine has ever sounded.”

“Jared I don't think that’s a hot take.”

Hansen nodded. “Y-you have a n-nice voice, Connor.”

“Oh… umm... thank you?” Connor mentally kicked himself. He was terrible at taking compliments.

He did have to admit though, they sounded good together.

“Anything else?”

“Didn’t you say you were writing a song with Ev and Jared?”

“W-well Jared is more j-just there. H-he didn't help with the lyrics and stuff.”

Connor was surprised by that one. “Wait, wait, wait. You never told me you were writing a song.”

“Well, we are. And we’re almost done. Care to show off our work?”

Hansen and Kleinman nodded.

Zoe played some chords as an intro before she began singing. “Dear Evan Hansen, we’ve been way too out of touch. Things have been crazy and it sucks that we don't talk that much. But, I should tell you that I think of you each night. I rub my clit and start moaning with delight-”

Hansen turned to Kleinman. Apparently there were spoken lines in this. “Jared, why would you write that?”

“I am simply trying to tell the truth.”

“No! That is not the truth! These emails have to be perfect and actually prove that we’re not dating! Just- I’ll do it!”

The song was pretty good and pretty funny. Connor almost lost his shit at the bridge. 

“Dear Evan Hansen, thanks for every note you send.”

“Dear Zoe Murphy, I’m just glad to be your friend.”

The two joined together for the next few lines. “Our friendship goes beyond your average kinda bond.”

“But not because we’re straight.”

“No not because we’re straight.”

“We’re close but we don't wanna date.”

In the next line Hansen said “The only girl that I love is my mom.” and Zoe said, “The only man that I love is my dad.”

All in all, it was a pretty good song. Connor was impressed.

The fifth was that he found himself enjoying their company.

As the night progressed, they ran through more musical songs and other miscellaneous topics of discussion. Jared, breaking a fairly comfortable silence declared that Connor was worthy of the group chat in his eyes. “All opposed, raise your hands.”

No one’s hand went up.

“Welcome to the cult edge lord. Someone add him to the group chat and I’ll post the invite server.”

Connor opened up discord and low and behold he was added to a group chat called *Insert Friend Group Name Here*. There was an invite to a server of the same name there. Connor accepted the invite. When he joined the server the first thing he did was change his nickname to “The Superior Murphy Child”. Then he received friend requests from Alana, Kleinman, and Hansen, which he also accepted.

“There is no leaving now.”

“Connor?”

“What’s up, Hansen?”

“D-do you have any ideas for a friend group name? All of Jared’s suck.”

“rUDE! You just don't appreciate comedy!”

“Umm… Sadness Squad maybe? But like, Sadness Squad trademark?”

Zoe smiled. “Ooh, I like that one.”

“A fellow man of depression I see.”

“Ok, b-but is there anyone here who isn’t depressed and gay?” Connor had noticed how Hansen’s stutter had toned down quite a bit since lunch. And he was actually talking to him now as well.

Alana put her phone down. She had just changed the server and group chat name to Sadness Squad™. “Nope. That’s why we’re Sadness Squad now.”

“Wait what did you mean by I can’t leave Kleinman?”

“You can’t leave. If you try to leave the group chat or the server we’re gonna forcefully add you back.” 

Alana nodded. “There is no leaving.”

“Y-you’re stuck with us now Connor.”

Connor started laughing. “What have I gotten myself into.

Kleinman dramatically leaned over the side of the couch. “A cult motherfucker!”

“A very fabulous chaotic and gay cult.” Zoe corrected.

"Y-yeah pretty much."

Conversation resumed to random topics once more. Connor had noticed how much he was actually enjoying hanging out with these people. No. He thought. Not people. Friends.

The thought surprised him. He had actual friends now. Only took him 12 years. It was a nice feeling. The whole “friends” thing. Not that he wasn’t still skeptical of the whole ordeal, he just felt comfortable. Like he’d found a safe space where he could just be him.

For the first time in a while, he felt happy. And that’s how he hoped it stayed.


	4. In Which The Bois Go Ice Skating

It had been about a week since Connor had been added to the group chat and discord server. He'd gotten to the point where he started calling Evan and Jared by their first names and their last names. Evan only stuttered near him if Connor had startled him. Improvements in the trust department were made. Currently they were at lunch.

"Ok so I'm gonna go hang out with Lana after school." The boys looked at each other and then back at the girls.

"Sooo…" Evan leaned across the table. "Like a date?"

Connor and Jared started laughing as both girls yelled "It's not a date!" faces flushed.

"Sureeeeee..."

Zoe hit her head on the table. "Connor shut up!"

Alana put her hand under where Zoe was hitting her head on the table. Zoe just hit her head on Alana's hand a few times before just resting her head on Alana's hand. Both of their faces were flushed completely. Alana could feel the heat that had risen to Zoe's face on her hand.

Jared turned to Evan and Connor. "They're so cute together like holy shit."

Alana still hadn't moved her hand. "Umm… anyway. We were thinking that you three should go hang out today, Zoe and I are not on a date."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

Before more teasing about the not date could happen, the bell rang. Zoe and Alana bolted. The boys laughed as they walked back to the school.

"We should hang out after school today though."

"Damn Jared didn't know you could read minds. Wouldn't mind hanging out with you losers after school today."

"You down Ev?"

"Yeah. But what would we do though? Ice skating maybe?"

Connor shrugged. “Seems lit.”

“I’m down. We gonna meet up there or like?”

“I could drive us if you’re willing to trust my gay driving skills.”

Evan laughed. “You can’t be that much worse than Zoe.”

“Unless bad driving runs in your family you cannot be worse than Zoe.”

The best part about the location of the boys classes after lunch was that they were all in the same hallway only a few doors down from each other. They had just reached Connor’s class. “Pick you guys up at 7ish if that works.”

“Seems good.”

“We can work through any other details later.”

~~~

“Later” ended up being as they were heading home. They had made their own group chat separate from sadness squad a while ago to ship Alana and Zoe without them yelling at them. They had decided that Connor would just pick them up around 7 ish and then just head to the ice rink and skate until whenever they felt like leaving or the place closed and they had to leave.

Connor had changed into more “athletic” clothing and as he was trying to leave Zoe stopped him by standing in his way.

Connor decided to humor his sister a bit. “Come on man, move it.”

“Or you’ll what?” Zoe was trying to restrain her laughter and forget how much taller Connor was than her.

“GeT oUt Of My WaY lOsEr!”

They laughed for a bit before Connor asked “Ok but what do you want?”

“For you to not look completely emo for your date.”

Connor let Zoe drag him up the stairs. It was much easier than arguing with her. “It's not a date Zoe.”

“And I’m not going on a ‘date’ as you called it with Alana.”

“Touche. But in my defense, you two know each other really well and I still don't really know Evan and Jared that well yet.”

Zoe opened the door to Connor’s room and shoved him on the bed. She then opened and started going through his closet. “First dates are for that though.”

“Ya wanna know something? I’ll give you 50 bucks if I end up being gay for Hansen and Kleinman. 60 if the three of us start dating. 30 if I only end up with one of them.”

“You have yourself a deal. I’ll be waiting for my money.”

"Doubt you'll ever get it but whatever."

Zoe paid no attention to that remark as she noticed the pride flag in the back. "Holy fuckin shit dude! How? How did you manage to get it past mom and dad?"

"Magic. Now, are ya gonna de-emofy me or what? I'm supposed to pick them up at 7."

"Shit u rite," Zoe was still envious of the flag but she had more important matters to worry about. "Where are you guys even going?"

Connor laid down knowing this was going to take a while. "Ice skating. Hansen's idea."

"Let me know how many times Jared falls on his face," Zoe was not surprised but still disappointed with the fact that Connor only had black for the most part. The most colorful thing in his closet was the rainbow flag. "Why do you only own black and gray? Like what the hell?"

Connor laughed a bit. "It's called 'emo'."

Zoe decided that if she couldn't help de-emofy her brother she could at least make sure Jared and Evan would be gay for him. She grabbed the lightest grey sweats she could find and a black tank top. She threw both at Connor. "Put those on."

Connor was examining the clothes his sister threw him. "Um... excuse me," Connor held up the tank top. "I am not wearing this."

"If I can get through your hoodie collection then maybe I can find a hoodie you can wear."

Connor sighed as he walked to the bathroom. Zoe continued to look through the mass amount of hoodies in Connor's closet. She decided on a blueish gray one. To her it looked oversized, granted Connor was also quite a bit taller than her.

Connor walked back in looking traumatized. “Why the flying fuck do I still own this?”

“Probably because besides getting rid of the colors you’ve never gone through your closet.”

“I feel so naked.”

“Here drama queen.” Zoe rolled her eyes and threw the hoodie at Connor.  
Connor walked back in traumatized. "Why in the flying fuck do I own this?"

"Probably because besides just going through and getting rid of anything colorful you never go through your closet."

"I feel so exposed."

"Here drama queen. Put this on." Zoe rolled her eyes and threw the hoodie at Connor.

Connor just threw it on and looked instantly more comfortable. "Thank you. Best sister."

Zoe was right. It was slightly oversized. Not like super oversized. But just enough for very small sweater paws.

"Ok so can I go now?"

"Put your hair up and then you can."

Connor easily put his hair in a bun. "Kay can I go now?"

"Yeah. Just make sure you use protection."

Connor flushed bright red. "Zoe shut the fuck up!" And he was gone.

~~~

Connor Sat in his car on what was hopefully Jared's street. He'd only given him "It's the gray house on Bay Street." There were like 3 gray houses on Bay Street. So Connor sent Jared a discord message.

Smoking Drugs 24/7: bro where the hell do u live

Smoking Drugs 24/7: there's like 2 many gray houses on ur street

LuV tHe CrOnCh: ill just walk outside

Smoking Drugs 24/7: kk

Connor put his phone in his pocket and started driving up the street for what felt like the 800th time. This time he was waiting to see Jared. Standing on a porch or something. He wasn't expecting to see Jared laying down on his driveway.

When he saw Connor's car stop, Jared got up and opened the door to the back seat. "What's up Connie?"

"Don't call me that."

"Kay. Can I put my feet on the seat?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"Can I have aux chord permission in your car?"

Connor passed the aux cord. "Why'd you ask like that? And don't play trash."

"Me? Play trash? Never."

Whatever Jared was trying to play started playing. "Its time to rock." "I love the backstreet boys."

"Jared what the hell are you playing."

"Art."

Then whoever it was started singing I Want It That Way terribly. Jared was laughing his ass off the whole time. Connor was too concerned with how bad it was to worry about stopping whatever this was. It ended with "Nice vocals Hitoshi-San."

"Jared."

"Yes?"

"What was that?"

"Hitoshi-San Sings I Want It That Way."

"Who the fuck is Hitoshi-San?"

"You've never watched Nyan~ Neko Sugar Girls before?"

"No! Jared speak English!"

"Basically it's an anime made in ms paint by an 11-year-old from 2010."

"Oh god-"

"We're gonna watch at some point."

"Just give me the aux cord Kleinman." Connor plugged it into his phone handing it to Jared. "Pick a musical. I really don't care which one."

"Bet." 

"Divorced."

"Ooh. You have good taste Kleinman."

"Beheaded."

"Hell yeah, I do."

So they vibed to Six on the way to pick up Evan. They got distracted by a 7/11 and stopped to get slushies. They got one for Evan as compensation for being late. They had almost gotten through Haus Of Holbein when they had made it to Evan's house. 

Evan was sitting on the little ledge thing in front of the door looking at his phone. He got up and started walking toward the street when he saw Connor's car. He was going for the back seat but he saw Jared sprawled out across the whole thing. So he went to the front.

He was greeted with "Welcome McHellChilliDonald's Handsoap." from Jared and Haus Of Holbein playing when he opened the door.

Connor handed him a blue slushie. "We stopped by 7/11. Here is compensation for being late."

"Thanks." Evan nearly dropped the thing when Jared screamed "ZE HAUS OF HOLBEIN!"

Connor rubbed his ears. "Fucking hell Kleinman. Shut up, man."

Evan sighed. "Shouldn't have given him sugar or stereo privileges."

"I'll keep that in mind for next time."

After mostly screeching the high notes of the last 4 songs and an attempt at the I Don't Need Your Love note from Evan they arrived at the ice rink.

After getting their skates Jared remembered that he couldn't skate. And he was about to be exposed. So he figured it was better to expose himself instead of Connor never letting him live down falling on his face. "Umm… so funny story."

Evan and Connor had been laughing about something or other. They turned to Jared still kinda giggling when he spoke.

"What Kleinman? You can't skate or something?" Connor asked in the teasing tone he normally used when making fun of Jared. When he didn't get defensive and sling an insult back at Connor his tone changed to a more friendly one that Jared was still getting used to. "Oh, shit dude that's chill. We can teach you."

Evan looked at the two boys mischievously. "I'm not teaching him anything. Connor, you can teach him." Then he stepped into the ice and started skating.

Connor's face went red. "Not you too! Why does everyone here fucking decide that they should get their enemies to lovers fix with me and Jared?" Connor threw his hands up in the air in frustration.

Jared's death glare directed at the now giggling Evan turned into a mildly integrated glace at Connor. "You just implied that someone else ships us. You now are legally required to tell me who it is." Jared had forgotten about his conversation on this vary subject with Zoe a few weeks ago.

"Ok well… it might sound crazy but Zoe-"

"Oh god, now I remember." Jared groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"The fuck you mean now you remember?"

"She mentioned something like that on the first day you came to sit with us."

Connor sighed. "Fucking god."

"She needs to get her head out of the shipper clouds. I doubt that will ever happen."

Connor nodded not saying anything more. He very conveniently left out the details of the bet. But Jared was right. It would never happen. Unless…

Connor was snapped out of his thoughts when Jared started snapping his fingers in his face. "Earth to emo. Evan, I think Connor's broken. Call Zoe."

"I'm not broken. I just zoned out."

"Whatever. Ya gonna teach me to skate in the least homoerotic way possible?"

"Jesus fucking Christ. If you can prevent me from murdering you first."

Connor stepped into the ice and helped Jared step on without falling. Evan stood nearby staring at the two smugly.

"If you're not gonna help me Evan then fuck off."

"How about this. I'll help you after you fall on your butt."

Connor stared at Evan, impressed. "I never knew you could be that mean Hansen."

"Only with Jared for the most part."

"I'm a dick so he's a dick back." Jared let go of one of Connor's arms to flip Evan off. Except he started to lose his balance and almost fell. Connor grabbed his arm before he did. It wasn't the gayest thing ever. They were just standing much closer than before. Still, Evan told them to get a room. Their faces went red and Connor told him to fuck off. They tried to ignore Evan's laughter.

It didn't take too long for Jared to fall on his butt. Evan skated over and helped Jared up. "I am a man of my word."

Jared rolled his eyes. “Oh, how chivalrous..”

Connor snorted. “Chivalry died when Evan had me try to teach his boyfriend how to skate.”

Jared almost fell down again with how quickly he tried to turn. “DUDE WHAT THE HELL I THOUGHT WE WERE ON THE SAME TEAM!!!”

Evan was looking at anything or anyone that wasn’t Jared. “Why must you ship me with Jared as well?”

“Because I crave vengeance, I refuse to ship you with my sister, Alana’s a raging lesbain and Jared is the only other person here,” Connor shrugged as if it was obvious. “And besides, you act like you’re dating already.” The shades of red Evan and Jared became had to be not humanly possible. There was some breaking of laws of human biology with that shade of nearly fluorescent red.

It turns out that together Evan and Connor could teach Jared fairly well. That was until they got to the part where Connor went to let go of Jared’s arm so he could start skating on his own. Jared fell and took Evan with him. Somehow Evan landed on top of him practically pinning him to the ice. 

In Jared’s attempt to hide his gay panic, he said this “Damn hansen always thought you were a bottom but not gonna lie I would let you top me.” Which he immediately regretted. Connor’s unholy screeching that was trying to be laughter didn’t make it any better.

Jared should’ve genuinely learned that you should never say never brcuase the second he thought it Connor said “Either kiss each other and get a room or get your gay asses up before I piss myself becuase Jared says something stupid again.”

Evan got up and helped Jared up. He then went to the end of the rink furthest from Connor and Jared to wish that the ice would swallow him whole. Connor and Jared continued their loop to give Evan some time to become less embarrassed. Jared only almost fell once.

When they caught up with Evan, he joined them again and they talked about random things as they skated. Jared was able to skate by himself by the end of they’re very “no homo” ice skating session. It got especially “no homo” after they started shoving each other trying to get a moment where “get a room” could be said or “kiss kiss kiss” could start being chanted. This left the tree of them completely red in the face as Connor was driving to drop Evan and Jared off. Both from being flustered and being in the ice rink for about an hour and a half.

After dropping Jared off, Connor got absorbed in his thoughts as he drove himself home. It was mostly replaying the events of the night. He found himself genuinely enjoying hanging out with Jared and Evan. All was well and good until Connor ran into one tinsy tiny problem. One that involved his gayness. He tried to convince himself that he was not gay for the other two boys. Granted after existing for 18 years he knew himself well enough to know the more he tried to deny something the more likely it was to be true. So he stopped.

An even larger problem smacked him in the face when he walked through the front door. That probably was Zoe sitting on the floor and asking “How’d your date go?” without looking up from her phone.

“Look, Zoe, just because you win part of the stupid bet and I came back a little gayer than I was before I left doesn’t mean it was a date.” Connor didn’t say anything else and ignored Zoe’s teasing as he went upstairs to his room to bring his sister her money.

“Just so you know the chances of you getting the rest of that money are slim to none and it came out of my Broadway fund so like. Hope you’re happy.”

Zoe made some snarky comment that made Connor go red. She didn’t even know what she said. She was too focused on updating Alana on the status of their plan.

Ya Like Jazz?: dude connor just got back and I just got 50 bucks richer

The Eternal Brain Cell: Wait seriously?

Ya Like Jazz?: hell yas my dude everythings going just the way we planned

The Eternal Brain Cell: How evil that sounded is pretty funny not going to lie.

Zoe laughed at Alana’s word choice and usage. She’d been trying to get Alana to understand texting lingo for a while. As you can see she hadn’t gotten very far.

Ya Like Jazz?: holy shit u do b an english teacher tho

Ya Like Jazz?: anyway imma go try and get more gay out of the gay emo god i have for a brother

Ya Like Jazz?: night lana

The Eternal Brain Cell: Update me later and good night Zoe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I have no clue when the next chapter will be done. This one took me ages and its super long


	5. In Which Chalk Drawings Are Made And Flashbacks Occur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I'm so sorry for the month in between chapter four and this one. I swear I was working to get this done. Thank you all for being patient with me. But on the other hand, I bring you a 4.5k chapter. So I hope it's worth the wait. And besides. We get some of that good gayer shit in this one. Once again thank you for being patient with me and here you go. Chapter 5 baby. Les go.

"Alana, what the hell do you mean 'something came up'? I always know like 3 weeks in advance if you can't tutor me. I asked you at lunch and you said we were still on."

"Well, something came up after lunch." Alana started sheepishly at her desk.

"What came up then? You're always so against using pho-" Then it hit him. Zoe was going out today which was kinda weird. Larry was on a business trip and their mom was going to a "mom squad meeting" whatever the hell that means. Zoe always took advantage of when they're home alone. He smirked. "Ohh… I get it. You're going on a date with my sister."

Alana punched Connor's arm, her face flushed. "It's not a date!"

"You want it to be though."

"I do not!" They were whispering yelling at this point so their homeroom teacher didn't yell at them for being loud.

"You so do! You're so red!"

"So what? What if I wish it was a date? Shut up!" 

Connor's smirk turned into more of a smile. "And the nerd confesses to the gay."

Alana rested her head on the desk trying to hide her blush. Granted her ears were still flushed the same shade as her face. It didn't really help.

Connor laughed a bit until he remembered he had a math test and an essay that needed to be proofread due tomorrow. "I still do need a tutor tonight tho. You hang out with other nerds, right? Can you hook me up with someone?"

Alana lifted her head internally, smirking. "Well, instead of hooking you up with another 'nerd' as you so call us, I can point you in the direction of the other two free members of our friend group.

Connor tried to stay calm to prevent the flustered treatment from spreading. "You mean Evan and Jared? I thought you were the smart one."

"I'm smart at a lot of things. But Jared's really good at math like he's in my math class good, and Evan's pretty good with things for English." Alana did something she almost never did, she grabbed her phone and typed out a message to Evan and Jared telling them to take her place that night. They were the lucky two who sat in the back close enough to the windows that they got service and if they held their phones right they could get data as well.

That's when Connor's chill died. His face flushed slightly. "Zoe told you didn't she?"

Alana knew what he was talking about and Zoe had told her, still, she pretended like she didn't know. "Did Zoe tell me what?"

"Ya know, about both of them?"

Alana looked at Connor acting to be confused. “Zoe hasn’t told me anything about Jared and Evan. What are you talking about?”

Connor sighed just letting the blush take over his face. There was no point in hiding it. "You're telling me that whatever day it was we went ice skating a few weeks ago that Zoe never told you that my heart decided to do a big dumb gay and it chose them?"

"Oh, she told me. And you just did too."

Connor realized what Alana just pulled. "Oh, you son of a bitch."

"Yeah well, we both get to be big dumb gays and spend the night with the people our hearts decided to pull big dumb gays for."

"I mean yeah but like." Connor made some weird hand gesture because words are hard. "Lana, my friend, mother, me, your son, is a disaster gay. This is gonna be hard. And besides, you're big smart gay. You can do math."

"I mean so can Jared but he's an idiot spewing out sex jokes like. That doesn't mean much."

"I mean fair." The bell rang and the afternoon announcements put an abrupt end to the conversation.

As they were walking down the hall to the bus and the car respectively Connor pulled a Jared. "Just make sure you use protection if you fuck my sister tonight." He ran off before Alana could punch him again.

When he made it back to the car Zoe was already waiting. She unlocked the car and got in when she saw Connor approaching. She always waited outside because the temptation was too much to just drive away the second she saw her brother's lanky emo-y figure. She did start driving as soon as Connor's door closed.

"Dude why'd you run?"

"I pulled a Jared and your girlfriend would have punched me if I walked."

Zoe punched her brother's arm for Alana. "She's not my girlfriend."

"Not yet."

She punched him again. This time for herself. "Well, your boyfriends are coming over so like. Shut the fuck up"

Connor slammed his face into his hands in an attempt to cover the bright red that had spread across it. "You know what I deserved that one. But shut up."

"Chaotic bisexual and disaster gay. I think we make a pretty good set of sibling gays."

"I know right. Add to that a homophobic dad and a maybe homophobic mother and you got the Murphy household."

~~~

Zoe knew her plan with Alana was working. Or more so Operation Sincerely Three as they had started calling it. They'd decided that this endeavor was worth it when they overheard Connor arguing with their mom.

"Mother you cannot expect me to go outside. I have no friends and I'm single. I have no one to hang out with."

“Then go make friends so you can get a girlfriend!”

Connor didn’t say anything. Everyone under the age of 30 knew that it was because he wanted to say something along the lines of “who the fuck said I wanted to date a girl? Who in their right mind would date a girl if men are a thing?” but that would involve, ya know, leaving the lovely safe space that is the closet.

Zoe and Alana turned to each other knowing that they had to do something. The good thing was they were starting to get an idea of how they were going to do it.

“Zoe has your brother ever mentioned an interest in polyamory?”

“I mean, we were talking about ships the other day. He mentioned how poly ships were great. I quote from him ‘Imagine getting two or more people to love you like. Wacc’.”

Alana’s smile was the most mischievous Zoe had ever seen. “I do believe that things are about to get gay”

“Remind me to not sit there being a gay oblivious disaster around you.” You coulda marked Zoe down for scared and horny at that moment.

~~~

So now Zoe’s flipping Connor off as she leaves like she always does. Connor flips her off back and tells her to be home by midnight because he won’t let her in and he won't cover for her past then. She said she wouldn’t be out that late ya know like a liar. That's why she left her window open.

She decided to heely to Alana's instead of drive. It wasn't that far, she needed to get better at heelying and she had the highest chance of running into Evan and Jared. Evan could drive; he just refused to for the most part. Zoe was pretty sure that Jared had gotten grounded for being out too late and gotten his car privileges revoked. If she ran into them she could start the awkwardness that came with being disaster gays early. The best part was that the route the boys would be taking went in front of Alana's street so she left a little later than she normally would. She was willing to sacrifice a little time with her definitely not crush to make things work between her brother and his crushes.

The things I do for him.

Zoe was vibing to Say My Name from Beetlejuice when she saw the boys. She pulled out one of her earbuds and waved. 

Jared saluted. "Yo, what's up my dude?"

Zoe didn't respond until they were in shouting range of each other to answer. "Nothing much. But you two are coming over to visit your boyfriend right?"

Evan flushed and squeaked. "Zoe it's not like that! Alana just said she had something come up and asked if we could take her job of tutoring Connor for one night."

"Wait where are you going? You were saying the other day that your mom was doing whatever wired mom squad thing that she does with our moms' and your dad was on a business trip. Last time this happened you invited us over and we stole your parents' vodka." Zoe tried not to let the fact that Jared was almost exposing her show.

Evan looked between Jared and Zoe. "Didn't you two try to convince m and Lana that stealing Connor's weed and getting high was a good idea that night?"

"Umm band! I'm going to band!" Zoe tried to pretend like her voice didn't crack and go like 3 octaves higher.

Jared was about to say something but Evan held up a finger to shush him. Zoe knew that smirk. "I have no clue why but I'm getting the hint that you were the thing that came up with Lana. You're going to her house right now aren't you?"

Zoe almost fell off her heelys. "Mother Please no. Why this?"

"I'm right though. Aren't I?"

Zoe sighed. "Yes."

Evan put his finger down and Jared started snickering. "Pretty sure you two are bigger gays than we are."

As Zoe started to heely away she called to the boys over the server. "At least I'm not gay for two people. And if you're going to fuck my brother make sure you use protection!"

Even the insanely cool Jared Kleinman was rendered speechless, flustered and stammering. Both the group of very gay boys and one very gay girl went their separate ways and tried to ignore the other's remarks about their individual gayness.

~~~

Connor was laying down on the living room floor staring at the ceiling when he heard a knock on the door. He stood up to go open the door. He only felt the sense of dread after he remembered who was supposed to be at the door. Still, he opened the door.

Jared greeted him with “Hello edge lord please inform your sister that we’re not going to fuck you. I swear we’re only here to school.”

Connor awkwardly offered some finger guns. “Might’ve been because I referred to Alana as her girlfriend...”

Evan nodded. “That was probably it.”

Connor realized that he hadn’t let them in yet and they were sorta just awkwardly staring at each other and having a semi-awkward conversation. “Umm I was supposed to let you guys inside wasn’t I?” Connor was internally beating up the part of him that made him a disaster gay. He could hardly hold a conversation with the two of them. Now he’s going to be spending the next, at least, 2 hours of his life with them without anyone else.

In short, he and his disaster gayness were fucked.

"So… umm… where do you wanna work?" Connor nodded toward the kitchen table. Granted he was more focused on the fact that Jared was being socially awkward. Jared didn't typically do socially awkward. He brushed it off as the shock from getting his own typical jokes thrown back at him. And not like he was actually gay for him.

That's a funny one. Calm your disaster gay tits.

In their awkwardness, they managed to set up on the kitchen table without it getting too much worse.

"Ok so. Just a heads up, I physically need music to focus. I don't know why but it's necessary."

"Oh thank god. I don't know how people can work without music." Evan looked like he just got the best news in his life.

So Connor started playing whatever broadway playlist he found first on Spotify knowing it was music they would all enjoy. They sat there listening to the shuffle of Percy Jackson, Be More Chill, The Prom, Heathers, and Beetlejuice for about 15 minutes. Not talking was kind of awkward. Granted, it was less awkward with the music.

Jared, as he often does, broke the tension. "So umm… what do you wanna start with?"

"Well prepare yourself to reteach me the whole ass math unit. My teacher refuses to make sense."

"Oh, I was doing that with Ev the other day. It's not that bad."

"You're in Alana's math class Jared."

"I mean Jared's not a half-bad teacher though.."

Connor wanted to be skeptical but Evan was just as good with math as he was. Which is not good at all. "You expect me to math? Honey, I'm too gay for that shit." Kinda good at math. And besides, Jared was smart enough to be the only other person in their group to actually be even decent at math.

After about a half an hour of rotting his brain over math Connor started hitting his head on the table repeatedly. Almost instantly Evan slipped his arm in the spot where Connor was trying to break his skull.

"Connor stop committing illegal."

"Pretty sure I could commit a bigger illegal with the shit under the sink."

"Connor no!"

"Idk hand soap. I would commit big illegal. Seems lit." Jared leaned back in his chair.

The other two boys glanced at each other and then back at Jared. Depression and suicide jokes were typically Connor's thing. And yes, literally everyone in their group was depressed to different extents, but it just never felt like Jared was. He laughed at the depression jokes but never brought that much attention to his own depression.

"Umm… anyway," Jared knew exactly why they were staring at him like that. This was the biggest reason why he hid how bad his depression was. He didn't want people to worry about him. And he doesn't wanna have to talk to his parents about his emotions because, like, who wants to do that? "So... math?"

Connor's focus left worrying about Jared and how much he really didn't want to do math. He groaned and dramatically slipped off his chair as if he was melting. "Sorry I can't do math. My brain is melted."

"Essay?" 

"Bitch what part of 'my brain is melted' didn't translate to 'I don't want to do work'?"

"Fair."

~~~

Somehow that conversation turned into the three of them lying on the floor in the living room just vibing, and talking about life and other stuff. Connor was laying in the middle on his back resting the back of his head on his hands. Evan was on the right resting his hands on his stomach. Jared, being Jared, was sprawled out in star fashion on Connor's left. And the author is too lazy to figure out a dialogue transition so you get this now.

"Ok so I'm bored," Jared sat up. "Someone come up with something to do."

"Drugs?" Connor knew the answer would be no but he had nothing else.

Evan elbowed Connor in the side. "You could be said heccing anything and yet you choose the one thing that will be a 100% no?"

Connor glanced at Evan. "Look man I'm as bored as kinky boy. I'm not good with ideas anyway."

"Well do you have chalk?"

Connor completely turned his head to look at Evan in genuine confusion. Jared sat up from his okish Patrick Star impression and looked at Evan confused as well. 

"Hand soap I'm genuinely concerned about where this is going."

"You said you were bored. In just helping." 

"I honestly don't know if we have chalk."

Evan stood up. "Well, here we have something to do now. We're gonna go look for chalk. If we can't find anything then we'll just buy some and get slushies on the way back. I'll buy. Any questions?" He looked between the two boys. There was no lingering confusion from earlier so he continued. "Ok, Connor where are we starting? This is your house and I still only half know where anywhere is."

"I mean, we could start in my room. I used to draw with chalk on one of my walls in middle school. I might still have some laying around that I'm just not remembering. After that, we can try Zoe's room then the attic. After that, I think it's safe to say we don't have any." Evan stepped to the side and let Connor lead him and Jared up the stairs and into his room.

Contrary to popular belief, Connor's room wasn't black, gray, or anything like that. It was in fact a tealy-greenish color. When Jared asked he said "my emo has only spread to my clothes. And besides, my parents would've never let me paint the walls black." Connor's room wasn't that big. From what Zoe had said it was the smallest room in their house. And small it was. There wasn't much floor space left after the bed, bookcase, and small desk. You could tell which wall had been the chalk wall. It looked lighter than all the rest from whatever chalk remains were there. The bookcase, like everything else in Connor's room was small. It was in the back corner by the window. Not many books lined the two shelves. The desk stood on the other wall. Jared and Evan made note of how the room didn't smell like weed as they once had thought. 

"Ok, Jared start over there." Connor nodded toward the desk. "Hand soap around the bookcase and I'll start in my home."

The other boys stared at Connor to see where he was going. Jared started laughing as Connor opened his closet. "What? It's safe in here. We got blankets, gay shit, and snacks."

"You using your closet as a survival bunker Murphy?"

"As a matter of fact, I am." Connor fliped Jared off the most friendly manner you can gesture "fuck you" at someone.

And so the search for chalk began. Evan decided to take a look at what books Connor had in his relatively small collection. He had all the Percy Jackson books, the Charlotte's Web copy they all got in 2nd grade, a series he'd never heard of called Lockwood and Co, and some random other titles that didn't catch his eye.

"Holy shit why is all of this fucking random crap in here?"

Evan looked up from the bookcase and looked at the like of random things on the floor that Connor had been making. 

"Looks like you got more than snacks, gay shit, and blankets in your survival bunker." 

“I think this shit is from middle school when I was in denial of my gay. Should mean I’m getting close to chalk if it's here."

"Sweet." Jared found their 2nd-grade yearbook. "Hey Connor, look at this."

"Oh my god, I thought my mom took that."

"Idk boys. Y'all down to look at this?"

Evan stood up. "I mean yeah I'm down."

"Yeah, whatever." Connor almost fell as he was trying to stand up. "I'm fine. I just can't do things straight."

"I feel like it's mandatory to go find a picture of Connor first." Jared took note of the red that dusted the Edge Lord's cheeks.

"And why is that kinky boi?"

"There's literally no pictures of younger you around this house like."

"But does it have yo be from before I started to grow my hair out?"  
.  
"Yes, that's even better."

Connor looked to Evan for help. He only shrugged. "I mean, I'm not opposed."

"Dude these are literally my pictures. What the hell you mean "You're not opposed"? You're not the one getting exposed Hansen."

"Well look at it this way," Jared started flipping through the pages of the yearbook. "Alana and Zoe are so convinced that the three of us are gonna start dating eventually, that it's basically just letting your future boyfriends look at pictures of baby Connor."

The three of them just looked at each other, faces flushed. This was the most Jared had ever regretted saying something in his life. Connor pulled up his hood trying to hide his face. 

"I have realized my mistake."

"Let's just get this over with before this gets any more awkward."

So the page-flipping began and eventually they found Mrs. G's second-grade class. Jared opened his mouth to say something but he could feel Connor's death glare that was a warning to not bring up the printer thing.

Evan, unaware of the silent murder threats going on behind him, fond Jared's picture first because he found himself irrelevant in this scenario. "Oh my god ew! No glasses Jared!"

Connor stopped threatening Jared once he heard "no glasses Jared". "Oh, shit dude lemme see."

Evan pointed out the fairly cursed picture. "I'm not a fan of that at all," Connor kept looking between Jared and the picture. "It's your face but smaller and no glasses. It's like. No."

Jared groaned. "Fucking second grade me thinking glasses weren't important and casually forgetting them all the time. Fuck him and his head perfect vision. I can't see shit now without my glasses."

In retaliation for being exposed Jared went looking for Connor’s picture. He was pretty sure this was before he had started to grow out his hair. “Ok, so I look like flaming garbage without my glasses but look at Connor with short hair. That is true flaming garbage.”

“Oh god please no. We don't need to discuss that.” Connor had seen pictures from when he was younger. It was so weird. It was his face on a child without long hair. He knew this was why picture looking at was insisted but he still wasn't having it. "Well that was enough making fun of me for a day let's find Evan and put the book of cursed away."

Finding Evan's picture was rather anti-climatic. He just looked the same. His hair was a little poofier now but he looked virtually the same.

So with the book of cursed scored away Connor concerned that there was no chalk in his closet. So it was time to do to Wal-Mart and buy some. I don't know how exciting or gay you expect me to make a car ride. This is like the 8th one of this book. Use your imagination or something. The seating arrangement from the ice skating chapters still applies.

The heccing big box of sidewalk chalk was purchased. Evan still wasn't telling the other two what they were gonna do with it. When asked he just said, "draw with it." Which they knew. It was just more a why where and what type thing.

Once they got back to Connor's house with the chalk Evan told them to sit. "It is time to rejoice. Childish not over stupid things has returned."

"Joy and emotions? Where the hell did you buy those? We got the stupid things for free." He nodded toward Jared.

"RuDe!"

Evan just stared at Jared and Connor. Waiting. Once they stopped being stupid he continued. "So anyway. The goal is to draw the stupidest thing possible to make your parents be concerned for our mental states so maybe they get you a therapist."

Jared and Connor looked at each other and then back at Evan a few times. Jared was rather impressed. "How do you come up with this stuff."

"I dunno."

So the drawing began. Connor started to draw two stick figures. "I refuse to waste my art skills here."

One had glasses and the other had an alto sax. Jared, who was in the process of trying to draw Shrek making out with the kool-aid man, faces over at what Connor drew. Being the semi-smart human he is he was able to put two and two together and drew a stick figure with long hair in retaliation. Evan was in a small area drawing math equations.

Jared started laughing when he saw what Evan was drawing. "Don't let Lana see that or she'll kill you and go on a tangent about how and why math is good and make you apologize."

"Alana shouldn't be here unless she sneaks in with Zoe," Connor was semi-aggressively messing with his hair because it kept falling in his face as he tried to work. "Does anyone have a hair tie?"

"There's probably some in my backpack. Zoe always needs them and Alana doesn't have extras on her."

"Whatever, I don't feel like going back inside."

So chalk drawing and conversations continued, well at least until their legs started to go numb from sitting on a not chair for that long, and after using up quite a bit of chalk.

Once they all migrated inside Connor realized how much chalk dust he got on himself. He looked like a rainbow and his aggressive hair messing with didn't help his cause. He never thought that running his chalk dust-covered hands through his weave would transfer the stuff to his hair.

"Well. I have to take a shower. If you guys want you can call your parents and have them pick you guys up."

"I mean," Jared glanced up at Evan. "We'll go if you want us to."

"Oh wait you'd be down to stay?" 

"Like you can if you want. I can order a pizza or something." Connor wasn’t really planning on them staying but he didn’t mind. He’d warmed up to this friends thing quite a bit. And the fact that these specific friends made his gay heart go doki doki was a plus too.

“Umm yeah sounds great.”

“Actually I have to shower. I don’t like looking like a mutant chalk box so can one of you order it? I take too long.”

Jared ordered the pizza and Connor took a shower. In the time between the end of both events, Evan and Jared sat on the couch and had a fairly interesting discussion.

“Ok so,” Jared began. “I physically can’t lie here because I have eyes, but Connor be hella fine..”

“I’ve been saying this for a month. And I was right. You knew I was right. He’s fine as hell.”

“Shut up man, I have eyes. I’m sorry for using them.”

“I was right. Admit I’m right and I’ll shut up about being right.”

“You were right. I too find Connor Murphy hot.”

After taking about how Connor was hot and borderline simping, they had each individually come to the conclusion that they were kinda committing gay for him. Of course in Jared fashion, he was going to deny it until it hit him like a freight train and Evan was going to gently pretend like it wasn't happening and go vent to Alana later.

And during this realization period, Connor came back downstairs. He was wearing a tank-top and sweats with his hair in a bun. With the fact that just how gay they were for this man was just being realized a few moments ago, this made both Evan and Jared experience extreme gay panic.

"Umm…" Jared tried to look anywhere but his semi-super hot friend. "I ordered the pizza. I just went pepperoni because I didn't know what you wanted."

Connor being oblivious said it was his bad and that pepperoni was fine. And flipped down in between the two very gay boys. "So umm you wanna watch a movie or something? Either way, I'm not gonna let you make out with each other on my couch."

Jared would've said something like "Evan's not the one I wanna make out with right now." But he was so wrapped up in his own gay panic he couldn't say anything other than. "Yeah, a movie sounds fine."

After a bit of debating the pros and cons of both Shrek and The Bee Movie, they decided on Shrek because it has a Broadway musical that was really good.  
.  
They decided to wait for the pizza to get there before they started so they didn't have to stop. And once it did they sat on the floor and watched Shrek while eating pizza.

~~~

Meanwhile, with Zoe and Alana, things were a little gayer and quite a bit spicier, seeing as the level of spice with the boys was the same level of spice that milk has. 

It had started off with a pillow fight which was innocent enough. That was until Zoe had Alana stuck in a corner and she couldn't escape.

“You willing to surrender to my supreme pillow fight skills yet?” Zoe’s smirk read as chaotic, smug and something else Alana couldn’t pick up on. Nevertheless, she wasn’t going to let Zoe win.

“I’ll say you’ve won once I’ve given up.”

“Well then. Prepare to face doom.”

Zoe lifted the pillow above her head and was about to strike when Alana seized the chance she had. She dropped her own pillow and went after Zoe’s sides knowing how ticklish she was. Zoe started shrieking with laughter. She didn’t even mind that Alana had turned this into a tickle war. Once Alana let her breathe she went to attack her friend with tickles. This sent Alana stumbling backward and landing on her bed. Zoe just climbed on top of her and continued her relentless tickling. 

Alana was merciful enough to give Zoe time to breathe, Zoe on the hand wasn’t going to let Alana breath until she admitted she had won.

“Ok ok! You win! Let me breathe please!”

So Zoe did. Then they realized the position they were in. Zoe had pinned Alana to her bed. Their faces flushed a bit but neither moved. Zoe’s eyes had moved to Alana’s lips. The longing clear in her eyes. Alana was staring at Zoe’s as well. Their eyes returned to each other. Slowly the gap between them became smaller and smaller and then…

“Alana, Zoe dinner’s ready!”

They jumped apart, faces completely reddened. They became stuttering messes trying to find something to say to each other. Alana’s father knocked on the door. 

“Did you hear me? I said that dinner was ready.”

“Yeah, dad we did.”

Both girls were silently cursing in their heads. 

Alana’s thoughts consisted more of: Holy shit father why? Why not just 20 seconds later?

Zoe’s were more: Holy fuck we just almost kissed. But what did she mean by it? Does she like me? What if she meant it in a friend way? Either way, I can flex on Connor now. I am more than just a useless chaotic bisexual disaster.

They didn't talk about the fact that they had almost kissed the rest of the night.

~~~

Back to the boys a few hours later because that’s most likely why you’re here.

After they finished Shrek and their pizza, they migrated to Connor’s bedroom floor. It was getting late and they all knew that either they’d have to leave soon or stay the night.

“So what do you guys wanna do?” Zoe was supposed to be home soon if she didn't want to have to climb in through a window.

“I dunno watch The Bee Movie now?”

“No, I meant like if you guys are planning on leaving or staying the night.”

“I mean,” Evan had started fidgeting with the sweater he had tied around his waist a few hours ago. “Do you want us to go?”

“I mean. I don't care either way. It’s getting kinda late and I don't think you’d wanna have to sneak in but you guys don’t have any clothes with you.”

“Actually, we do. Zoe’s convinced us that your house will be the best place to go if something goes terribly wrong so she’s had us leave clothes here. At this point, we just use it for spontaneous sleepovers.”

“Sounds like Zoe.” Connor thought back to all the times he’s woken up to any of the rest of their group at their house after they weren’t supposed to stay the night. It made a lot of sense.

So the decision that they would spend the night was made. Jared went to call his parents and let them know he was spending the night. Evan said he didn’t need to. He had a system with his mom that if she was working late he could spend the night at someone else’s if he wanted to.

At around 1 am they decided it was probably a good idea to not stay up much later. Well, more Evan decided. He knew that Jared was not a morning person and he learned very quickly that Connor ran on caffeine and only caffeine. Connor refused to take the bed. Even after about 15 minutes of back and forth about how it was his bed and he should be able to sleep in it. So the three of them set up a makeshift mattress of blankets and pillows on the floor. During this whole process, it never occurred to them that they could all sleep in the bed but you know. It’s whatever. 

Surprisingly this was the smoothest part of the night for them. Probably because they had all said no homo. It was just a thing that made them feel less awkward about it mentally.

Connor left the window open for Zoe. Her punishment for coming home late shouldn’t have to be sleeping outside. He’ll just force her to use the window.

Speaking of Zoe and windows, at around 2 am Alana remembered that time was a thing. “Oh my god, Zoe it's so late! My dad probably thought you left hours ago.”

Zoe cringed as she saw the time. She knew it would be window climbing for her. “Your parents don’t like surprise sleepovers do they?”

Alana offered Zoe her most sympathetic smile. “I'm afraid not. And you’d have to get out a window. Like I said my dad probably thinks you left hours ago.”

“Well,” Zoe stood up and oped the window. “This has been fun. Night Lana, see you tomorrow.” She started to climb out of it.

“Goodnight Zoe. And be careful please.”

“When am I not careful?” As if on cue she fell the rest of the way. It wasn’t serious. Just some bruises tomorrow. Alana’s window wasn’t dangerously high off the ground. “Well other than that time.”

Alana laughed and shook her head. She shut the window and Zoe headed off back to her place.

When she finally managed to climb in her brother’s opened window she expected him to still be awake. His insomnia tended to keep him up this late most nights. To see him passed out was surprising enough. What really shocked her was the fact that Jared and Evan were practically cuddling with her brother and the three of them were out cold on the floor. She took a picture, grateful that the street lamp near their house provided enough light, and sent it to Alana.

Zoe carefully stepped over the three boys and snuck out of her brother's room. She tiptoed down the hallway and into her own bedroom. Once inside she flopped onto her bed. She didn’t bother changing. She just took her bra off because anyone who sleeps in their bra is a madman. She stared at her ceiling. 

She didn’t really think it would’ve actually come close to happening. When she had started shipping Connor, Jared, and Evan together it was more of a joke than anything. She didn’t think it would legitimately come close to happening. But yet, only a few yards away her brother was passed out cuddling with the only other guys she was actually friends with.

Reality works weird in that way, doesn't it?

Zoe decided that was enough thinking for one day and peacefully went to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue when six will be out but I'm going to hope it'll come out sooner than this one did. However, if it takes a super long time please understand. School's a bitch. Anyway, thanks for reading and I'll see you next time.


	6. In Which Long Dead People Get Made Fun Of And Thinking Is For Nerds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not updating for like almost 6 months. Depression is a vibe that eats all of my motivation. But, I do bring you a 4.3k chapter. So that might make it worth the wait idk.

"Jared please. I beg you to stop playing hentai moans. Please." When Jared looked like he was going to protest Alana continued. "Its for the betterment of everyone here."

"And for whatever innocents Handsoap has left." Connor gestured to the "innocent one" known as Handsoap.

Evan looked Connor in the eyes and said "I don't think there is any left."

This prompted everyone to look at Jared wanting an explanation.

Jared threw up his hands in defence. "I'm sorry but I spend 99 percent of my nights at his house because his mom is never there and I really don't feel like going home after marching band. That's too much walking."

"Can confirm I hate walking home after marching band."

"Goddammit we've lost Zoe to being band kids." Connor ended up adopting a "I've only known Evan for 2 months but if anything happened to him I'd kill everyone in this room and then myself" mentality. But he was gay for Jared so he couldn't really be mad.

Alana was working on calmly explaining to Jared and Zoe why that isn't really a reason and Evan was saying it was fine until the Shrek stuff started. Then Zoe turned on Jared because you don't just casually scar the children with Shrek smut without consequences.

Connor, now realizing he wasn't contributing to the discussion anymore and more just watching, decided it was a good opportunity to slink away and go think because mushy feelings are hard and dumb. It was going pretty good until Jared looked away and noticed him sneaking away.

"Yo Conman! Where the hell are you going?"

Connor didn't stop walking when he heard Jared so he thought he could play it off as he was too far away to hear him, besides he had already stuck one of his ear buds in. But because he wasn't a band kid, he didn't know that you should never challenge a trumpet player to be louder. Zoe however did and covered Jared's mouth when he was about to scream louder. 

"How'd he get that far that quickly?" 

"Evan its called your short and he's unnecessarily tall. Add onto that he's gay and you've got very fast peraon."

"Right. Forgot that part. Probably more important question: where is he going?"

Zoe shrugged. "Don't look at me. I just work here."

"Well my guess is he's either off to fuck his secret boyfriend or to hit up his dealer. Which might be his secret boyfriend who he's gonna go fuck." 

"Nah. It's not a boyfriend I can tell you that. He would've told me about a boyfriend."

"Well then it's drugs."

"Oh frick no." Evan sprinted over to Connor and grabbed his arm. "No-" he started. "Ginnie a sec." Tree boi did not run very often. After catching his breath he continued. "Ok no."

"No what?"

"No drugs! Not while you live in my pure Christian household!"

"Evan you're Jewish!"

"And we are not a pure Christian household! We are nowhere close to pure!"

"Shut up you're not helping!"

"But I'm not going to get drugs."

"Press x to doubt." Alana kicked Jared's shin and dragged him with her and Zoe to catch up with the stoner and the tree fucker. 

"Connor no drugs."

"Dude I swear I wasn't gonna get drugs."

Evan was giving him the 'don't lie to me' look. Connor, still adamant he wasn't getting drugs, offered that they could come with if they wanted proof.

"Fine then. They kinda need to come too. Jared and Zoe would commit arson and Alana's gayness would make it way too easy for Zoe to get her to give in. And we haven't hung out as the whole squad in a while."

"We're gonna ignore the arson thing. You're not wrong but like."

Connor made sure not to forget how Alana and Zoe moved away from each other after Evan's comment. "So it's settled then? You guys will come with me so I can prove my innocence?"

"Yep." 

Jared raised his hand. 

"No Jared, you can't not come. You're a dangerous force by yourself. We make up all of your impulse control."

Jared didn't put his hand down.

"No you can not have the aux cord because we're not driving. And if we were, I still wouldn't let you have it. I have learned."

Jared put his hand down. "Ok ew walking and ew knowledge."

"Says the second smartest one here."

"The lady Zoe doth hath a pointeth."

"Ok great can we start walking now?" Connor started leading them out of the parking lot.

"If you insist Conman."

"Don't call me that unless you want me to break your kneecaps backwards Jared."

The four of them stared at Connor.

"Connor how do you-"

"Alana it's science time. Jared call him that again I wanna see-"

"How about we don't so no one's kneecaps are broken in any direction? How about that one?"

"Yeah I don't feel like getting my kneecaps broken."

"Look at that. Jared can actually make sensible decisions."

Zoe had fallen behind with Alana a bit but she still heard Connor's comment. "Connor shut up you couldn't hurt Jared if you tried."

Connor's face flushed.

"Are you insulting him or complimenting me?"

"Neither actually."

Jared gave Zoe the "you're gonna tell me later right?" look and she nodded. Connor on the other hand was turning red and giving Zoe a death glare, to which she promptly offered a middle finger to.

"Why so red Connor? Do you loooove me?" Jared stood on his toes so he could get into Connor's face as much as he could. "You gay for me Murphy?"

Connor pushed Jared away from him and back into his feet. "One no. Two. You're short."

Jared dramatically gasped. "You take that back!"

Connor smirked. "I will when you get taller than Evan."

"Dude that's too much growing. Have you seen how much taller Handsoap is?"

"I mean all of you are short to me so like."

Zoe was laughing until she was brought in with "all of you". "Excuse me Connor Michael Murphy, you fucking twig if an excuse for a teenager!. Fuck you and all of your fucking legs! You goddamn tree!"

"Ok can we stop screaming curse words in a neighborhood that I can guarantee you has small children in it?"

Zoe sighed. "Fine. After this though." She walked up to Connor and elbowed him as hard as she could.

Connor grabbed his arm. "God fucking damn! What the fuck Zoe that hurt!"

"There. Now no more cursing in the little kid riddled neighborhood."

~~~

After conversations that the author has no idea how to write because coming up with dialogue is hard, the sadness squad reached their destination.

"Connor please tell me your joshing. You're messing with me right? I knew you were edgy but like."

"I'm sorry but you wanted to come with me. This was where I was going."

Jared couldn't come up with a come back so he just opted for staring at his feet.

Evan nudged Zoe. "Did you know this was where we were going?" 

She shook her head. "I didn't even know he willingly went outside unless he was with me."

Connor turned around to survey the others. Mostly confused expressions crossed their faces. "Ok look. I get it. Kinda edgy even for me. But it's a pretty quiet place and it's calm and there aren't a lot of people and there's nothing really going on. I was going to kinda vibe and try and clear my head because my brain has been a bitch lately and refuses to leave me alone. But you guys are here too now so if you guys want to go elsewhere it's fine and I genuinely don't care.”

“I mean,” Zoe stepped forward. “I’ll stay with you even if the others don’t want to. I'll make fun of you for thinking or some shit like that. Maybe I’ll help but I’m going to make fun of you for thinking.”

“Well now I have to stay.” Jared turned to Alana and Evan. “Sorry nerds but I now need to have a discussion over the semantics of making fun of someone for thinking.”

"Yeah we're not leaving you two alone with Connor. It's not fair to him. Come on Lana."

"I was about to say the same thing."

"Great so we're all staying. Now you can't be sad and think we don't like you." Zoe punched Connor's arm again.

"Zoe you bitch stop doing that!"

"Fine, fine. You're no fun."

"Lead the way Almighty Edgelord Of The Underworld, Connor Murphy. Hold on let me pull up the Hadestown soundtrack. Evan can be Persephone. Alana and Zoe are Orpheus and Eurydice.. if it wasn't implied already, Connor you're Hades."

"Jared the only thing stopping me from punching you is the fact that I just yelled at Zoe for punching me."

Zoe got on her toes so she could whisper into Connor's ear. "You wouldn't hurt him even if you hadn't just yelled at me. You fucken gay my dude."

Connor flushed red. He pushed Zoe back onto her feet and punched her arm in the same manner she'd been punching him. "Zoe shut the fuck up! I will steal your shins so I suggest you start running."

Zoe knowing Connor wasn't kidding started to run.

"Connor don't steal Zoes shins." Alana sounded like a disappointed suburban mother when her two kids were making fun of each other.

Zoe came back, strategically avoiding her brother and stood behind Alana. She stuck her young out at him.

"But she's a bitch!"

"Connor no shins." Evan had the same tone Alana did.

"Fine. You guys are no fun though."

"Well seeing as we're all staying lead the way Edge Lord Brother Of Mine."

~~~

After they started walking Jared and Zoe ended up in the middle of the group talking about the logistics of making fun of someone for thinking.

"But if you have to think of what to say to make fun of them how does that even make sense?"

"That's not the point. You're making fun of them for wanting to be alone to think- wait now that sounds fucked up…"

"Yeah Zo, it kinda is."

Connor laughed a little. Now that their conversation had devolved into Zoe having a crisis, Connor had tried to listen for Evan and Alana's conversation.

"I don't know Lana. I'm just bad at romacey things. Whether it be with guys or girls."

"I mean I'm bad with men because gross men you know?"

"Yeah I get it. Men are like. Men." Evan shuddered.

Alana knodded. "I mean I could help with girls but I'm pretty sure lesbains are different than straight girls."

"Alana lesbain culture is literally "guys there's this girl that I'm in love with and we like kiss and she tells me she loves me and she makes me pancakes in the morning but I'm not sure she likes me. What do you think?""

Alana laughed. "Shut up Handsoap."

"I like how I'm just Handsoap. Like none of you call me Evan anymore. I'm just Handsoap."

"I mean yeah but you're officially Handsoap when Mr. Robertson starts calling you Handsoap."

"Dude if Rob started calling me Handsoap it would be great. I'm just only Handsoap then."

Jared and Zoe joined the "Evan is only Handsoap." conversation.

"Dude if you got Rob to call you Handsoap legit no one would ever call you Evan again." Zoe had wrapped her arm around Evan's shoulders and stuck out her other arm to do that thing in that one Toy Story meme template where it's like "blank. blank everywhere."

"Zoe you say it like it's a bad thing."

Evan managed to escape Zoes grasp. "I mean. I'm a senior so it would just be a few months of only Handsoap."

"That's fair."

"Edgelord what do you think about Ev just officially being only Handsoap?"

Connor had stopped his music a while ago. He just kept the Ear buds in to make it look like he wasn't listening even though he was.

"Umm…" he stopped so the others could catch up. "I don't really care. Evan, Handsoap, Hansen, it's all the same to me. It's still referring to tree boy so like."

"Surprised you heard me. And that you didn't yell at me for calling you Edgelord."

"Jared you just reminded him to yell at you."

"Well you caught me at the tail end of what I was listening to and I guess it's fine if Jared and only Jared calls me Edgelord."

"Wait like deadass?"

Connor nodded. "Deadass."

"Sorry to interrupt whatever foreplay this is." Zoe took pleasure in Jared and Connor turning bright red. "But where are we?"

"Zoe it's called a cemetery."

"Evan shut up."

"Sorry."

"You're really not but go off."

“Umm…” Connor wasn’t quite sure where exactly in the cemetery they were. He examined the nearby headstones. “Almond Smith 1854-1878”. Everytime he passed by that specific headstone he always wondered who in their right mind names their kid Almond? They were about half way through his normal route through the cemetery. “We’re about halfway through the way I normally walk. Also who the fuck names their kid Almond?” He pointed toward the headstone.

“Well James and Margaret Smith apparently.”

Jared glanced at Evan. “Damn Handsoap you’re sassy today.”

“Well I’m hungry because someone raided my backpack and stole my granola bars.” Evan cleared his throat. “Jared.”

"Umm… well anyway. Weeb Lord. Where to next."

"Jared for the last fucking time. Just because you caught me listening to vocaloid-"

Evan raised his hand. Connor took a deep breath and stopped focusing on Jared. "Yes tree boi?"

"What's vocaloid?"

Jared backed up a bit from Connor. "It's weeb music."

"Oh so the stuff that you listen to all the time?"

Jared went pale. "I- wah- who- who told you that?"

Connor's anger had started melting into laughter. Zoe and Alana had been giggling this whole time. Now is when Zoe started snort laughing.

"You did.' Evan said matter of factly. "You play your music too loud and I can almost always hear it. And," he continued, "isn't hentai weeb porn?"

Jared nodded. The others laughed harder. "Well you play hentai moans all the time on voice chat. So does that therefore make you the weeb Lord? Connor at least listens to like alt rock, indie stuff and Broadway as well as weeb music. You only listen to wrrb music and Broadway. Therefore you, Jared Kleinman, are the Weeb Lord."

Connor nearly fell over laughing. Zoe had devolved into a wheezing snorting mess. Alana managed to stop laughing long enough to ask why Evan had given his whole speech like it was the perm trial scene in Legally Blonde. At this realisation Evan was right with the others laughing. Jared just sat there accepting his fate as the Weeb Lord of sadness squad.

After the group stopped laughing enough to function Connor continued to lead the group through the rest of the route.

~~~

Once they got out of the cemetery Connor leaned against a nearby tree. "Well that's all I got. I'm down for going home if you guys have nothing else." He grabbed his ear buds out of his pocket.

"I mean. I don't know about you guys," Jared began. "But I, for one, don't really want to go home right now. And it's hot so maybe like ice cream or something?"

"Actually yeah, I'm like really hot. Ice cream sounds great." Evan tended to run hot, so the sweater he once wore had been tied around his waist since school had ended.

"I'm down. Which means you need to come even if you don't want to Connor," Zoe turned to Alana. "You down?"

"Zoe that's like asking Evan if he doesn't like trees. Of course I'm coming."

"So it's settled then. Ice cream it is then."

Alana Evan and Zoe held up the back. Zoe and Evan were trying to convince Alana to read the Percy Jackson books.

"Oh come on Lana! You don't have a childhood because your parents didn't let you watch sponge bob because of whatever reason and you spent the rest of it reading National Geographic magazines." Zoe was trying not to be disgusted that Alana had not only not read Percy Jackson but was refusing to read it.

"And you like books." Evan was much calmer and was hoping being calm would calm Zoe down a bit.

"Fictional books are not my kind of thing though."

"But Percy Jackson! You know? Like 12 year olds trying to save the world because ah yes put the fate of the world into the hands of three unprepared, scared, half-bloods! It's crazy!" She turned to Evan. "So pick a direction."

Jared decided to participate. "It's your quest!"

"A direction?"

"We trust you."

"A direction!"

"A direction?"

"A direction."

"Whatever you decide."

"Whatever I decide."

"Whatever! Dude! Decide!"

"Ok ok fine. I have a good feeling about that way."

Connor made his voice unnaturally squeaky. "Children come inside."

Alana stared at the 4 of them confused.

Zoe took this as a good time to make her biggest selling point. "See if you read the books we could listen to The Lightning Thief musical together. Then you could do weird shit like that with us."

Begrudgingly Alana agreed. "Fine just loan me the books Zoe."

Evan elbowed Zoe a few times. She swatted at his arm. "Shut up!"

"I never said anything."

Jared and Connor looked at each other as Zoe and Evan started arguing and Alana was trying to prevent them from killing each other.

"Well that's certain happening."

Connor raised an eyebrow. It seemed almost unnatural for Jared to be this awkward in a social situation. Even when he's seen him talk back to teachers in a way that would most definitely get him detention he seemed so confident. Jared was like the only person Connor knew that was good at and excited for the public speaking unit. 

But here he was. Struggling to say anything. 

"You good Weeb Lord?" Connor cringed a little internally. How was that the only thing that he could come up with for a response?

Jared laughed a little and shoved Connor. "That's Almighty Supreme Weeb Lord Jared Klineman to you Edge Lord."

"Okey dokey then." Connor externally cringed that time. "Oh I hated that." He mumbled. "Anyway. Supreme almighty extra something? I don't fucking remember what you said."

Jared shrugged. "It's whatever."

A slightly uncomfortable silence fell between the two.

"So umm." Jared was confused as to why he was struggling to have a conversation. He was normally good at talking to people.

Well he knew why he was struggling. He was trying to have a conversation with a hot guy and he was in panromantic panic. Pan-ic, if you will. But every time his brain brought that idea to the front he pushed it away. 

Learn from this kiddens. Denial is a powerful tool. And don't ever say "kiddens". I hated that so much.

But anyway. Back to the actual story.

Jared was fidgeting with the paperclip in his pocket. Zoe had brought it for him a few days ago when he asked. He was grateful for it. If he didn't have it with him he'd be visibly nervous. Or more obviously nervous than he already was. 

Connor decided to take hold of the conversation. "So men?"

Jared nodded. "Men are trash but at the same time I want a boyfriend."

Connor sighed. "Exactly. And that's where the problem lies. That and then the straight guys that act gay and give off bi vibes but end up being straight or at least think they're straight still."

"Yep."

"You guys talking about men?" Zoe had barely heard what they were saying."

"Yeah."

Alana gagged. "Men disgust me. Especially cishet men."

"We do not even need to touch that. That is a cesspool of garbage." Evan shuddered. 

"Dude if I had the choice to not like men I'd be on that boat in seconds."

The boys nodded. Alana laughed. "Nerds, I've been on that boat."

"Lucky ass bitch." Zoe mumbled.

~~~

Evan and the girls ended up in the back again which left Connor and Jared semi-alone again.

Jared had noticed Connor humming whatever he was listening to. The tune was familiar. "Paramore Edge Lord?"

He nodded. "Surprised you know their music. Seems a little too edgy for the not emo."

"I only decide if I don't like an artist or band if the music's bad. I can't control what does and doesn't slap."

"Fair enough." Connor held out the right earbud. "Here."

Jared stared at it. "Wait like deadass?"'

Connor nodded. "Probably something better to listen to than whatever the fuck they're talking about."

Jared shrugged, "fair enough," and he grabbed the earbud from Connor's hand.

He'd been listening to For a Pessimist I'm Pretty Optimistic. A true bop he thought. 

Behind them, Zoe had started slapping Evan's and Alana's arms. "Guys look!" She pouted at Connor and Jared.

Alana snickered. "Watch them deny it when we stop."

Zoe laughed. "Yeah."

Evan offered a fake laugh so he didn't draw attention to himself. His friends weren't that stupid though. 

"Ev what's wrong?" Alana knew that laughing at Connor and Jared for eventually pretending like they weren't gay for each other could wait. 

"Umm," Evan looked at the ground, "Group chat?"

They nodded.

Silly Gooses ✨🦋

Geese Are Here: Ev you good?

Geesus: um

Geese Are Here: you can tell us

Men Were Never An Option: Zoe he doesn't have to

Geese Are Here: I mean yeah

Geese Are Here: he should tho

Geesus: so um

Geesus: I'm low key high key into both of them-

Geese Are Here: akdhwuwgcmcnwixuwbsodjrnsjeb

Geesus: is that weird?

Men Were Never An Option: no it's not

Geese Are Here: yeah it's not

Geese Are Here: but like jfjwudhfbsidhfnsowjfn

Geesus: okey

Geesus but yeah

Geesus: me gae

Geese Are Here: :)))))))))

Geesus: :D

"SECRET SECRETS ARE NO FUN UNLESS YOU SHARE WITH EVERYONE!"

Jared and Connor started laughing at how their friends jumped.

"JARED YOU BASTARD IF YOU SHARE THE SECRET WITH EVERYONE IT'S NOT A SECRET!!!" Zoe was not a fan of getting the living shit scared out of her.

"I THOUGHT WE WEREN'T SWEARING ANYMORE!!!"

"Can all of you stop screaming? How about that?"

“I’m with the nerd.”

“Connor you say it like you don’t-” Connor covered his sister’s mouth before she could continue.

“Jesus Zoe would you shut your- Ow! You bitch! Why’d you bite me?” 

“Don’t touch my face.”

“Fair enough.”

~~~

The rest of their walk to the ice cream place wasn’t that eventful. When they got there they ordered. That, on the other hand, was an ordeal and a half.

“Come on Lana. You can do more than vanilla.”

“Zoe no I-” Zoe gave her puppy dog eyes. Alana was beyond weak for those puppy dog eyes. “Fine. I’ll try strawberry I guess.”

“Yay!” Zoe hugged her in her excitement of spicing up Alana’s life. “Oh sorry.”

“Umm… no its fine. I didn’t mind that much.”

Connor, Jared, and Evan stood slightly behind them watching this now awkward exchange. 

Jared sighed. “Damn this is lowkey kinda sad,” the other two nodded. Jared continued, “like how are they not dating yet? It’s so obvious.”

Connor grabbed a pebble off the ground.

Evan grabbed his arm. “Connor no. Throwing a rock at your sister while she’s trying to figure out her very gay feelings for Alana is just going to make her kill you.”

Connor sighed and dropped the rock.

In the end Alana got strawberry with whipped cream and sprinkles. Zoe was proud of her for “stepping like 3 cities out of your comfort zone”. Zoe got salted caramel. Evan, neapolitan. Jared, despite being warned against it, got birthday cake. Connor got coffee.

After they got their ice cream they settled on one of the benches outside. The outside area was pretty empty. The place was closing in a few weeks and it was starting to get kinda chilly to be eating ice cream outside.

After getting bored of whatever conversation was being held Jared poked Connor with his spoon. “What’d you get?”

“Coffee.”

“Ew gross. Lemme try.”

“That’s such- you know what. Just let it go Connor. This is fucking Jared we’re talking about.” He pushed the cup of ice cream close enough so Jared could grab some.

“Yeah gross.”

“Jared you mother-”

As if on cue some small child ran by. She was being chased by two women, presumably her mothers. The woman with short hair and glasses stopped running and started panting. “Yeah no. Alyssa I’m not chasing after her anymore. I don’t feel like passing out.”

The other woman, Alyssa, shouted back. “Come on Emma! If we don’t tie her out now she’s not going to bed till who knows how late.”

“But my lungs.”

“But future sleep.”

Emma cursed at the ground. “She’s right. Future sleep is important.” She started to run after her daughter again.

~~~

As the Sadness Squad went to leave, Connor’s legs decided to stop working. He would’ve fell on his face but Jared caught his waist. The two looked at each other, faces flushed red. The only thing either of them could manage to say was “Umm…” If Connor’s legs couldn’t work before, they were completely broken now.

Alana started giggling. Zoe yelled over at them “Hey you two should kiss!”

Connor’s legs could work now. They could work so well in fact, that he nearly knocked Jared over in his attempt to get away.

“All of you shut up. I suggest we get going now if you guys don’t plan on getting grounded for being out. *cough cough* Alana and Zoe I know you haven't texted mom and dad *cough cough*. And I will personally rat each of you out.” That made everyone speed up. “Well I won’t rat Jared out. He didn’t do anything.”

“Connor that’s lowkey kinda sus.”

Connor ignored his sister instead taking the simpler route of offering her an outstretched middle finger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to get the next one out sooner. It's starting to be not cold and dark all the time so that's at least going to be having my seasonal depression lift a bit. But do let me know if this was actually worth the wait. And if you actually made it here thank you for actually doing that! That's very pog of you. My phrasing of that was kinda cringe but whatever.


End file.
